Is it because I queefed?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bring me that man meat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
