Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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