look no pants
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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