We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
