Where are you?
In a non slutty way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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