God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
