I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
