i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
