I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
