She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
