Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
