The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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