yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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