I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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