The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
