I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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