erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
