We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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