i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
