Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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