Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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