mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
