One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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