he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
