This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
