Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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