I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
