You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
