sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
