First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
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You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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