New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
