I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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