i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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