I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
