i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
