You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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