I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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