last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
