i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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