two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
