We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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