It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
