The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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