but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
