i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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