Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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