I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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