I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
