i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
