I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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