I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
