singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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