the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
