If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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