im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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