allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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