TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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