Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm passing your future prison.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He better not be in your backpack
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
