He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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