Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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